Harmonious Twin Flame Union Update 4 - Squatting on the kitchen floor, doing inner work
I woke up Friday “morning” and I kinda instantly felt something was wrong. I checked my phone and I got a message from the service provider: “Payment due, we will suspend your account if you don’t pay your bill today“.
FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!
I was chanting loads of fucks in my head as I rose up from the bed, and went ASAP to pay this bill. “Of course, this is our first bill in our first month of me not having a job… I guess I am just fucking my life up!” - I was dramatizing in my head.
Logging into the account - Password not correct. FUCK! Of course I forgot the password (It’s one of those fancy ones where you have to put “special” characters). The fuck chanting continued as I reset my password and paid the bill.
I was stunned by my lack of presence here, usually I am on top of bills and I never let this kind of things slip. I chose to process my feelings and let go of the anxiety and frustration. I was safe, nothing horrendous happened, all is good. God’s got me!
As I was releasing the anxiety, Laurentiu came out of a session he had. We chatted for a while and decided to start breakfast. We went to the kitchen and started prepping the ingredients. Laurentiu was sharing about what he did while I was asleep and seemed pretty happy about life. That bugged me, I was still upset about something but felt resistant to just explore it. Naturally, he picked up I was upset.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
“Not so good.“ I answered.
“What happened?” he asked.
I shared with him about the bill and everything that came up there. I was really afraid for our finances and well being. As I was sharing, I just felt like needing comfort so … naturally… I squatted on the kitchen floor and attempted to hug my knees. Laurentiu joined me. His face was very close to mine and he was looking me in the eyes.
“Ready to heal this?” he asked.
“Yes.” I answered.
He helped me move through my feelings, claim all my support and safety. I was pretty resistant and wanted to blame myself for being so foolish, but he didn’t take any bullshit and helped me just love myself there. I moved through anger, resistance, bad feelings until I arrived at peace.
Afterwards, we made breakfast and went about our day.
This is just how it is sometimes.
