Harmonious Twin Flame Union Update 2 - Healing deeper abandonment
Abandonment is probably one of the deepest fears that you could have on your Twin Flame journey. I see abandonment as a combination of rejection and loneliness, disrespect, devaluation of self and unworthiness. There is a stark difference in feeling left alone and feeling abandoned.
On Wednesday, a new layer of this upset came up. It came up in a way I did not expect, and triggered a pattern of abandonment I have experienced my whole life. At first, the trigger did not come from my Twin Flame, but as me and Laurentiu did the Mirror Exercise we started to see ripples of this upset embedded into our relationship as well.
The initial upset was related to friendship. As a child and teenager, I did not have the luxury of having tons of friends, and sometimes having any friends at all. This is something I struggled in my early years, and caused a lot of depression in my teenage years. I felt like I invested myself so honestly and openly for them only to brutally sever the beautiful connection between us some time later. This caused me to be cynical and rather cautious in my relationships, keeping everyone at a safe distance. I was not overly cautious tho, and did get close to people, and the same thing happened. And endless cycle of hurt that now I am choosing to heal.
Since being part of Jeff and Shaleia’s teachings, I have met beautiful people willing to love. I felt safe and at home and I allowed myself to be fully open here, because I knew that these relationships are different. When the same cycle started to play out, I felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest. Well, not from the beginning, at first I numbed out and projected a little the situation, but being equipped with the Mirror Exercise and the teachings, I knew that what was happening had nothing to do with anybody else than me. I knew this was the pattern that happened my whole life, the situation itself was not even that dramatic and probably my friendships are all fine BUT the way I felt was very very different. I had to allow myself to feel what I had to feel here. I noticed a push back, I did not want to bring up all that hurt that I carefully wrapped somewhere inside of my consciousness in numbness. I was afraid and very lonely, even if Laurentiu was holding my hand. I felt my feelings, loved myself and released the hurt. I arrived at peace and allowed the upheaval to leave easily.
Thursday rolled around, and we noticed that, even if our schedule was pretty open, we had a hard time to connect and talk with each other. Both of us suddenly got busy, and as we were doing our work, something started to feel more and more off. Around lunch, we worked through some upsets about the activities that we were doing and made sure we act from a place of love at all times. We felt better.. but there was still something there. We were in a situation when something smells bad inside of your home, but you cannot fully pinpoint the source of the smell. It just lingers around and even if you open the windows to alleviate the effect, you know that that won’t help until the source is taken care of.
Later in the day, after the work was mostly done, we wanted to connect again. Even if we were standing next to each other with nothing else to distract us, we were not fully able to connect. This was because we were very numbed to more layers of the abandonment upset, which caused us to be a little like mindless robots. We were abandoning each other and ourselves without even knowing. We knew what was happening was not right, and things are not supposed to look the way they loo. We were choosing to feel our feelings, but it seemed like we were in a very thick fog. We called in the support for us to heal this, and God surely provided. It felt like a zap in my consciousness when I was asked “What are you waiting for?”. There was nothing to wait for, if I created this situation I have the power to heal it. I felt the fog clear from my consciousness as I was taking my power back from the illusions. I felt deeper clarity and relief and I knew this, as all upsets, can be healed. No matter how deep the upset, how bad the situation, God has a way out for you.
I sat down with Laurentiu and I asked for his help to navigate these feelings. I allowed myself to feel my feelings about what happened and loved myself. With every feeling coming up I felt clearer and clearer and the heaviness inside myself started to lift, all the pain I have been numbing to started to release. This is the power of the Mirror Exercise and what Jeff and Shaleia teach! Relief of all pain and suffering and connection with love and God.
After finding peace and allowing ourselves to upheave while discussing and doing other things, I asked Laurentiu how he felt about something. He answered “good”, but something was missing from that good feeling he was sharing. I could feel it between us. I asked him what was there that was stopping him from feeling even better? He worked through his feelings and as he went deeper, the layer that came up was… abandonment. He loved himself there and felt even grater relief as he did so. As twin flames, we navigate everything together, even if it looks different.
As of now, I feel this onion is not fully peeled and I am still working on feelings that come up. It is safe to do so and so deeper with God.
I am very grateful to the teachings of Jeff and Shaleia, that you can find at https://twinflamesuniverse.com/, because they helped us time and time again to navigate sticky situations like this one. Watching the classes they provide allowed me to learn “love logic”, the logic of God and how love works. Whenever I find myself in a situation that does not align with that logic, even if my feelings are very convoluted and I do not know what to do, the logic of love helps me move through the situation. Even if my feelings and my heart wants to pull away, the feelings feel too big, the pain too much, the grounded logic of love always helps you get through. Only love is real, and love never fails! Pain is not real. You are the creator of your reality. God loves you unconditionally and infinitely.
Having these teaching, with your Twin Flame allows you to heal all separation in your consciousness and move into grater peace, day by day.
