How to lovingly put boundaries with your Twin Flame?

One thing that is crucial to understand on your Twin Flame journey is that you do not deserve to be mistreated by anyone, not even your Twin Flame. Just because they are your Twin Flame, it doesn’t mean they should receive “special treatment” where you let go of your values, boundaries or what you love simply because of who they are. In that sense, learning how to place loving boundaries with your Twin Flame is a great tool to have in your tool belt.

What to do if your Twin Flame is mistreating you?

Facing the fact that your Twin Flame, who should be your Ultimate Lover, your Perfect Partner, your best friend, would ever mistreat you is a challenging thing to face. One might simply think that because they are mistreating, they might not be your Twin Flame to begin with, but they would be karmic partner or a false Twin Flame. Right? Well, the answer is not that straight forward. No matter if they are a true Twin Flame or a false Twin Flame, you would have to see that you have found yourself in this circumstances for a reason. One of the reasons might be exactly about learning how to place boundaries. First of all, in order to transcend the mistreatment, you have to heal what attract this in your life to begin with. It’s safe to look into this place in your consciousness and see what comes up for you to heal.

One thing to understand is that any upset, be it mistreatment or anything else, appears in you life because it has “a button to push” within yourself; en entry way into your life. Despite the fact that you do not deserve any mistreatment, it exists into your life because you allow it in one way or another. Potentially, you might even find secondary benefits with it. In order to heal, it’s safe to be honest and look at this area of your life and see why you allow this behaviour to continue. Through healing, you can close the door on any mistreatment or upset and never be put in the situation where you have to experience it ever again.

Why you might allow mistreatment in your life?

Here are a few reasons as to why you might allow mistreatment in your life. This can be applied to Twin Flame relationships or any other relationships in your life.

Scenario 1: I tolerate this behaviour because I am afraid that my Twin Flame might leave me if I stand up for myself. They might reject me and abandon me if I say anything about their mistreatment towards me.

You can see how, in this scenario, the button that is being pressed is a fear of abandonment/rejection. In a sense, you would rather take the mistreatment you are experiencing rather than face the fear of abandonment/rejection. You are put in a situation where you have to choose between the “lesser evil”, however, in truth, you don’t need to choose any of these options. By healing the fear of abandonment/rejection you can learn how to stand up for yourself and cultivate a healthy relationship with your Twin Flame.

Scenario 2: I tolerate this behaviour because this is how everyone treated me my whole life and I cannot have a better experience than this, even if I desire to be treated right. I might believe that this is normal and everyone experiences this anyway because the only role-models I had in my life so far were suffering in their romantic relationships.

In this scenario, even if not overtly said, you might be dealing with feelings of worthlessness, powerlessness and a lack of self-confidence. Sometimes, we don’t know any better and we accept behaviors that unhealthy without knowing they are unhealthy, despite them making us feel bad. It’s safe here to learn not only what a healthy relationship is, but that you can have it as well. It’s safe to grow, heal and chance in such a way that you cultivate only loving relationships around you. The process might be scary since you might need to let go of everything around you, but in turn you can create a life of love where no mistreatment is allowed. Everything that comes up here can be healed with the Mirror Exercise.

Scenario 3: I was taught that my desires do not matter or what I want does not matter. Because of this, I care about what my Twin Flame wants above myself in other for them to be happy.

In this scenario, you believe that in order to have a happy relationship you shouldn’t stand up for what you desire and shouldn’t put yourself first. In a sense, you believe you should please your Twin Flame by tolerating their behaviour rather then confronting the situation. This behaviour would only allow the mistreatment to continue and you would need to face the fact that you might “make them unhappy” in the short term by speaking up, however in the log run both you and your Twin Flame benefit immensely by speaking up for yourself.

Scenario 4: Whenever I stood up for myself I was told that I was overly-emotional, over-reaction or unloving because others (my Twin Flame) felt hurt about what I had to share.

In this particular scenario, you don’t want to hurt others/your Twin Flame so therefore you allow yourself to be mistreated in hopes to make others/your Twin Flame happy. You hope that by doing this you can keep the relationship is good standing/afloat. However, in truth, this is not a healthy way to have a relationship.

Scenario 5: I tolerate this behaviour because I receive love/money/sex/attention/etc from my Twin Flame in return and if I stand up for myself I won’t receive those things anymore.

Here, you are looking for some sort of love outside of yourself and this is why you might allow the mistreatment to continue. You see your Twin Flame as your source and therefore if you were to say no to the mistreatment you risk your source running out. However, you can turn to God as your source and see that there is no need for you to accept any mistreatment. This belief is rooted in a co-dependent relationship patter that you can also choose to release and heal fully and completely.

Note: All of these behaviors might stem for unhealed traumas as well. In order to heal trauma please check out the Mind Alignment Process.

How to put a loving boundary with your Twin Flame?

Now that you are aware at to what might be the core of the mistreatment, the first step is to heal it within yourself. After healing, the situation might change instantly and boundaries might not be necessary. However, if that is not the case it doesn’t mean your healing didn’t work. It might simply mean you need to apply boundaries so you fully root out the pattern out of your life. You might be tested in your resolve to fully let go of the pattern, but all you need to do is hold your boundary…

But wait… what actually is a boundary? Let’s define that quickly. Generally speaking, a boundary is: a line which marks the limits of an area; a dividing line. When it comes to relationships, a personal boundary can be defined as: the limits and rules we set for ourselves within relationships. A person with healthy boundaries can say “no” to others when they want to, but they are also comfortable opening themselves up to intimacy and close relationships. Essentially, a boundary is your ability to set the way you would like to be treated by others, Twin Flame included. It’s a filter to what you allow or do not allow in your relationship. You would want to allow everything that is loving in your relationship and say no to everything that is not loving as that is the perfect loving standard to have in your relationships.

So, now that we are clearer on what boundaries are, how do you actually place them? Well, it can depend on what situation you are in. Here is a picture to help you identify what kind of boundary you might need.

The type of boundary you need is related to the type of mistreatment you are experiencing. Once you are clear on that, you can voice and communicate the boundary in a logical and clear way.

What to do if your boundary is not being honored?

Boundaries can give space to the other party to think about their behaviour and change, but what does it mean when the boundary is not being honored, especially by your Twin Flame? Sometimes, just voicing your boundary might not be enough and you need to back it up with actions. The fact that someone is not respecting your boundaries shouldn’t go unnoticed or overlooked. Think about if you had a child and they misbehave in some way - there would be discipline given but if the behaviour continues then probably some repercussions would to be involved. It teaches others that their choices can have repercussions in the relationship, and while you don’t need to be cold and stern, you do need to honor yourself first.

Allow yourself to feel your feeling about the boundary not being respected as well and heal through that with the Mirror Exercise.

Remember that you deserve to have the perfect relationship with your Twin Flame, no matter what. There are many tools to support you on your Twin Flame journey available here.